ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We had to coat check the pizza.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize