i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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