My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
