i think my tv is drunk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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