Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
