woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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