I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
