I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
