Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
