halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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