I will die if light touches me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
