oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
