U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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