I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
