I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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