i think my mom watched the whole time
babies were throwing up all over the place
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
