So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
