Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
