Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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