well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
