I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
