his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
