the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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