everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
