May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
