I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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