I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize