dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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