Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
