Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
