One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
