piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
