we're blogging at a bar
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
