Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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