therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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