ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
