"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
