I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize