And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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