you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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