Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
