??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
