i barfeds in our rink
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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