Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
