her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
