He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
