we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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