Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
