He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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