You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
