I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
