You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
