i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
