I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
