Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
