Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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