My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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