if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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