we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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