am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
