Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
