we have pet lesbian snakes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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