I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
