i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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