Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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