areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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