My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
