So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
