so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
