Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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