I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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