why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
