uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
