Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
