I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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