craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
