Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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