So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
