I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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