His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
