Plan B is the new Plan A
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
