we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
