I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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