PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
