do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
