Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
