final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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