LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
