i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
