bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
