Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
