Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize