if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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