dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
