Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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