i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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