I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
