he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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