I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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