Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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